|
SpiritBlade77
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Doug
Birthday: 9/14/1980
Gender: Male
Interests: God, hiking/backpacking, missions, motorcycles, cool gadgets, people, traveling, reading,
Expertise: heh...none to speak of, with the exception of being pushy....
Occupation: Student and Construction
Message: message me
AIM:  spiritblade77
Member Since:
5/21/2005
|
|
| tonight was my first night of night shift at work. I'm doing this for two weeks. I think I'll acclimate to it rather quickly, couple of days, when I was expecting a week or so. It's different. Quiet, bit more subdued ... then the warning klaxons sound off their furious tones trying their hardest to wake the dead, guaranteed to drive the living to the dead. ;) It wasn't all that bad. Didn't get any paperwork done, cause I was out in the field most of the night. I love getting to drive at night though. Play the music softly, make some sports or random talk radio in the background. It gives a person time to think, and reflect. Cuts down on distractions and such. I've been thinking a lot about time, God's perspective vs ours. About control, and "puppetry". About God's influence and direction in our lives. About friends and their lives. About my willingness to be a servant. About work, and how I'll survive the coming days. About where i'm going to live in a couple of months. About my church, and where that's going. About my various obsessions: how to temper some of them, and increase others.
I met this gill at work a couple months ago. Very interesting. She's 30. kind of quiet, but confident, know's what she's about. Hard worker, and concerned about doing a good job. A good sense of humor with a well-rounded character, from what I could tell. Before you think you know where I'm going with this: stop. This reason I bring her up is this: she reminded me of what's important. No, she's not a christian. Here's the quick story. She's a military brat, born to parents in their 40s. Was in Japan till 5, Germany till 14, then in Yuma since she was about 15, because this is where her parents decided to retire. Her mom died of pancreatic cancer when she was 16. her quote to me, "imagine being 16 and having to inject morpine into your dying mother." me: "man ... I'd rather not." Her father died of lung cancer (smoker) when she was 20. 20yrs of age. no siblings. no aunts, or uncles. no granparents. Alone. Married to a guy known from highschool at 20. He quit his job 4 months into the marriage. He never worked again the 7 years they were married. She often worked two jobs just to support them both, and to support his addictive habits. She didn't want to divorce, never thought it would happen to her, believes strongly in traditional values. She realizes what's important in life. She's not perfect, but she's responsible, understands duty and sacrifice. I learned from her.
During my trip to Albuquerque I went on a train ride. It was impossible to drive back to ABQ from Chama (start of train ride, 3 hours from ABQ) because keys got locked in the car. A "local" towing company came to our rescue. I rode with a man that lives in a nearby town in CO in his 4-runner with two others of my adventurous party. I can't even remember the man's name. He drove us 1.5 hours, at 11pm, to a town called Espanola. I learned a bit about this man. He believes very strongly in hard work, loyalty, responsibility, making his own way, not having to rely on others, especially government. He worked for a car dealership for 15 years in Scottsdale, AZ, before he was able to move back to the place he loved, CO. He battled cancer at the age of 24, survived, but wasn't able to work for a full year, and yet still never relied on others. He's seen a lot in his life. He is happily married. Has a son that he has had to struggle with, and watch grow up not showing many of the values that he treasures. He sacrifices for other people all the time, not complaining. This man reminded me of what's important.
I had this situation with a girl at work. I was being a dumbass about the situation. I had friends willing to tell me the truth. I was reminded about the importance of honesty, and facing up to the things that cause us to shy away and be cowardly about. I have been reading about what is important, what are the higher things in life, what our focus ought to be, how to give oneself away for the most important thing: our first love.
I am constantly reminded that I am a man. Human. Fallen. So very far from the mark. And yet ... the One who sees me and knows me constantly brings me back to the Way. To be a servant, humble and meek. That is my prayer. All things beside this pale in comparison. All things of my life are taken into account with this one priority. I often speak of desires and hopes, and I don't mention my God, or Christ. It is as Christ spoke so often to the Jews of things the Jews knew. Religion and tradition and God were just a part of who they were. So it is with me, I hope.
| | |
| So, I'm reading "My utmost for His highest," by Oswald Chambers. Here's an entry that I found particularly interesting:
"We are apt to imagine that Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process, God calls the end. What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm, and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working toward a particular finish; His end is the process -- that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God. God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the Future. We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterward. What men call training and preparation, God called the end. God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious."
this is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. What exactly IS the will of God? Is it a call to a specific path, or detailed plan for life? Does it mean, as the church so often tells us, that each step is ordered, that God has a place and time for each of moments? Does it mean searching and praying to find what step God would have us take next? Does it mean praying for the next job, house, or even spouse (if you aren't already married, and if you are, I hate you). ;-p
From my readings, bible studies, own experiences and talking with those I really respect ... I'm still not exactly sure. ;) Of course, I do have ideas. I mean, really, would I be Doug without having an opinion? heh. Anyway ... I think God CAN order our ways, every little step if he wants to. I mean, really who ARE we to tell God what to do, and how to do it? Potter and clay, anyone? Yes, yes, I know, God's very attributes balance this out, but even so, I am a sovereigntist in this matter. God is ... God. And, sheesh, look through the OT and NT, there is no shortage of God using man to His benefit, and ultimately, to the benefit of those that love Him. Anyway, eh, whatever. Basically, it's my opinion that God's will is pretty much what Oswald says. Listen, and obey. Lewis says the same thing. Eh. Recent conversations have made me recount this subject, so I bring it forth for your reading displeasure. ;) I somehow find this more comforting than the thought that all I have to do is pray to figure out just how my life is to go. The path is winding, over hill and through dale, through storm and sun. I will fall, fail, drop to my knees, and find myself in Him. I don't know quite how to explain how much hope this gives me. I'll never get there, not until I truly am able to put off this flesh, to look upon my Father and Lord and know He is God. But I love the journey. His end is forever learning and being formed. *shrug* I'm done ... for now. ;)
btw, I'm, right this second, listening to Journey. Holy canoli ... sometimes I really do think I'm trapped in a different era, but this stuff is GREAT!! Dude ... I should like, be a Time Lord, and get to jump around in time periods! If anyone suggests Bill and Ted, I'll strangle them. I may be a product of the 80s, but I have SOME standards. Like, I could spend some time in the swing era, and then head to Britain during the Napoleonic wars, and America at her inception. Get to see the wind swept changes in Africa and the middle east, ooh, and all the social revolutions in Russia! Get to be in Europe during the enlightenment, and sit in on the belgic confessions, and the forming of the Westminster catechisms!
Heh ... or I could just be an amateur student of history (even I can't correctly spell any of it).
oh yeah, completely random side note/question. For those of you that know me, to one degree or another. This isn't really much of a flippant question, because it is something I actually am starting to really wonder about, and even fear on some levels. Am I a hard person to understand? A hard person to read? Input could be useful. I'm ... yeah, in the middle of something, and this could really help, actually. ;)
| | |
| So, yeah. I'm a bum. Nothing really different going on. Working, having tons of fun riding the bike, going WAY to fast at times, getting myself into various amounts of trouble with people: happy to report nothing major so far, other than one incidence.... The former comment brings me to the point of this post (as if it really had one; stop scoffing!). I've been trying fairly hard to make friends in this town. It's not easy. Most of the people I work with work around 50-60+ hours a week, so they mostly form friendships with co-workers. I've done that to an extent, but I was really hoping to build a group of friends from the church I decided to attend. I've attended the same church for some time ... but the friendly people are all my parents, or grandparents age, and they aren't exactly the type of people you can call up to do spontaneous things, etc. So, there's this girl at work, only 20, who I met through a co-worker, and get along with fairly well. At least ... I did.
Yesterday I was fairly honest with her about something that she took VERY personally, when I had no intentions of launching an attack upon her person. Without going into great detail (the amount of which I'm surprised at) she became very angry with me for pointing out something that she was doing, or, not doing. The ramifications of my comments to her could be argued for hours, which is one reason I'm not going to state my comments. I re-iterate my argument that my comments were NOT hurtful, and not in any construed to be what she took them to be.
Anyway, that was kind of a catalyst. Only slightly, cause I could already tell that she had ... uh ... something uncomfortable up her backside, and was just spoiling for a fight. I should really learn to watch myself in these situations. That's a lesson learned for another time, apparently. Within a couple conversations I learned something about this girl. She's bottling herself up, immensely so. I know it's a typical human reaction, but the degree to which people do this is varied. She has anger issues, trust issues, confidence issues, hates people in general, doesn't even trust God at this point, wants people to know her, but fortifies herself in her own prickly castle that no one can get near, if they wanted to. She believes no one, no, not one, cares about her, but will refuse to believe you if you claim someone does. She won't admit she WANTS someone to care. She wants to be mad, wants to strike out at the world for being so unfair. She blows things out of proportion, and the things that most people would consider small fry problems she perceives to be massive. She quite literally fits some textbook emotional and psychological deficiencies to a tee, and are easily observed by all but herself, and of course she hates it when you try to sympathize, and even empathize.
She told me, more than once, that I just don't understand, that I am incapable of understanding. I made her mad by telling her she needed to be a friend if she expected the same. She asserts she's better off alone. She feels depression, and deals with her lonliness by setting herself apart, and getting angry, holding grudges. How can I understand this desperate soul, this walking mess? And yet ... I know this girl, even better than I think she knows herself. I say this not in arrogance, not in any false assertations of intelligence or great abilities of perception ... but because I'm staring at an intensified version of myself, 7 years ago, only in female form. It rocks me to my core. It saddens me. It caues genuflection of the most genuine sort. It makes me wonder how people ever put up with me. It makes me wonder how it is that humans are so ... moldable. It causes my mind to vainly search influences behind this change. I know, and yet I do not even glimpse, the forces behind this change in me. It's almost scary to me. It seems as though my family was more loving, and less hectic than hers in some ways, and I had the inestimable joy and gift of meeting with God's children at LeTourneau. They changed me, He changed me.
I'm am in no ways perfect. I am still being refined. To look back at myself in such a stark and real vision causes me to give praises to the one that never changes, that continues to love without end. It also causes sorrow. I know not how this girl will have the chance to break free of her self-inposed bonds. I sincerely doubt I will have a hand in it, and I'm ok with that. I just pray to our Father that He sends redemption, and soon. I would not wish those years upon anyone.
| | |
| First off: riding is extremely therapeutic. This is my expert medical advice. *ahem*
I went and saw the most recent Narnia movie, Prince Caspian, today. I have recently listened to the audio book of this story, and went back and skimmed the book to make sure what I was listening to was correct, and amazingly (maybe not, hopefully audio books are better about sticking to source material) it was. There acting wasn't horrible, wasn't great, some characters did a really good job. At first I didn't like Trumpkin's character, but I grew to realize he fit very closely to the dwarf from Lewis' mind, and I liked the actor. The guy that played Caspian ... left a bit to be desired, and of the four "children" I liked Edmund and Lucy's acting. Miraz's actor did quite well, imo.
Some of the scenes were quite beautiful, and cinematography had some very bright spots (no pun intended). There were some excellent shots as far as detail, and perspective go. the cg was good in some places, and wonderous in others. The plot line proved itself to be a time honored, if not cliche (which is was at times), fantasy flick with some good points to it. Nothing incredibly suspenseful or points at which you really wonder which way the plot will progress, but still good. The fight scenes were pretty cool (although I have NO clue what the seige machines were that that Telmarines used to fling those boulders ... about as useless as noodles for trying to climb a 50ft precipice, and really ... Gladiator style helmets for ALL the human soliders ... I mean, seriously!? The blacksmith would have quit before the first batch was done ... if the king didn't kill him first for not being able to make them all perfectly uniform). There were some good messages in the movie. Peter tries to do things by himself, in his pride and arrogance, and finds that without Aslan he's not capable of pulling off ... well, anything, even finding his way across a river. Edmund shows us that going through the fire can have a strengthening effect on our lives, as he portrays the stalwart character having already learned from his mistakes. Susan ... well, I'm still not exactly sure what part her character was in the movie ... other than a romantic interest, which still sickens me. (no, not cause girls are icky, or have cooties ... which they are/do ;-p , but because of the complete lack of such in the book, and the odd idea that producers in Hollywood have that you HAVE to have a romance.) Lucy is still the patient one, compassionate, and has faith no matter what. She is the christian with the child-like faith.
The movie shows us how Aslan and Narnia can be distorted, and made to be bad guys by the inhabitants, how truths can be masked, and even deceived. It shows us that men can be evil, and good, and that background does not necessarily make a man who he is. It shows that beasts can also be good, and bad, although they are more clearly delineated.
So, the movie wasn't bad. I liked it for what it was.
I hated it for what it could have, and should have been.
I already have a laundry list of complaints. Some of which are small things, such as when Reepacheep tells the squirrel (who's role from the book is important, and gets totally ignored in the movie) to "shut up!" That there is NO romance for Susan and Caspian in the book. Such as the "professer" never being named, and having his advisory role to Caspian in and out of the castle being completely skipped.
A lot of people, including some of you, knowing my critical nature, will basically say I'm just being nitpicky, which "might" be the case. I am very fond of the works of C.S. Lewis, and know that his stories have been popular this long for a reason. His stories are filled with allegory and symbolism, much of which is lost in the two Narnia movies. I feel this movie really screwed with his book, and lost a lot of the depth and originality and purpose from the plot and characters. I absolutely love character studies, and it seemed to me that going through Prince Caspian that Lewis purposefully made MANY of the characters for very specific reasons, to mirror certain biblical characters, to show world views and perspectives, etc. Trumpkin, Trufflehunter, Knickabrick, Cornelius, Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, Miraz, Caspian, Reepacheep, etc. All of these characters mean something. To be true to what they mean in a story, to the part they fulfill and use to teach us, the movie had to accurately portray them, and I believe this movie failed miserably to capture the characterizations.
By messing with the timeline, the characters, and the actual story, I found myself disliking the movie. C.S. Lewis wrote a wonderful tale of good and evil, of faith and trust, of redemption and humility, of rightful heirs and friends, etc, etc. This story of Lewis' gave great messages and constantly reminded us of the true King. Why people find it necessary to distort, retell, and even change such a story is beyond me. Of course ... why the Christian world believes the typical christian is stupid and needs a bible that completely distorts the truth is also beyond me....
| | |
|
